結婚は人生の大きな一歩です。
ですが、誰もが幸せな結婚生活を送るわけではありません。
中には、結婚した後に相手の本性が明らかになり、モラルハラスメント(モラハラ)に悩まされる人もいます。
そこで、結婚前に見逃してはならないモラハラの兆候やサインについて掘り下げてみましょう。
モラハラとは？
モラハラとは、モラル・ハラスメント(Moral Harassment)の略語であり、日本語では道徳的な嫌がらせや精神的虐待を指します。
具体的には、仕事場や人間関係で、言葉や態度を使って他の人を傷つけ、精神的苦痛を与える行為を指します。
モラハラは、直接的な暴力や身体的な虐待ではなく、言葉や態度の暴力を通して相手を威圧し、コントロールしようとする行為です。
例えば、上司や同僚からのパワーハラスメント、いじめ、嫌がらせ、無視、恫喝などが該当します。
被害者はよく精神的苦痛を抱え、うつ病や不眠症、ストレス関連の身体的症状などの健康問題に直面することがあります。
また、職場の人間関係が悪化し、パフォーマンスやモチベーションが下がることもあります。
結婚生活におけるモラハラは、夫婦やパートナー間の関係で、精神的な虐待や嫌がらせが行われる状況を指します。
具体的には、言葉や態度を使って相手を貶め、支配しようとする行為が含まれます。
モラハラ気質な人の兆候やサインを把握
最初は優しい人に見える
モラハラ加害者は最初は優しい印象を与えることが多いです。
ですが、結婚した後に相手が豹変することがあるのです。
特に、人から親切にされることが少なかったり、大切に育てられていなかったりする人ほど、モラハラに巻き込まれやすいと言えます。
態度が豹変する
結婚を機に相手が自分の所有物だと勘違いし、態度が豹変することがあります。
優しさや信頼を装い、一度相手の心を掴んだ後に、本性を現すのです。
同情を誘う
モラハラ加害者は、自分の不幸話をよくします。
過去の辛い経験や困難な状況を相手に語り、同情を引きます。
これによって、相手の心を掴み、モラハラを容易にするのです。
常に怒っているわけではない
モラハラ加害者は常に怒っているわけではありません。
普段は優しく振る舞い、社交的な一面を見せます。
これが被害者を混乱させ、自己責任の感情を抱かせる理由となります。
平気で嘘をつく
モラハラ加害者は外では感じの良い人を演じますが、実際には嘘をついて配偶者を貶めることがあります。
これによって、加害者が優越感に浸り、被害者を支配する状況が生まれます。
暴力はふるわない
モラハラは言葉や態度の暴力であり、直接的な暴力をふるうことはありません。
加害者は外部からの評価を気にしており、暴力をふるうと証拠が残るためです。
密室で発生する
モラハラは基本的に家の中で行われます。
家の外では明るく振る舞い、密室となる場所で容赦なくモラハラが発生します。
これによって被害者は、外部にモラハラを訴えることが難しくなります。
自分を正当化させる
モラハラ加害者は常に自分を正当化し、相手を非難します。
自分が正しく相手が悪いという態度を取り、被害者を責めます。
共感力が低い
モラハラ加害者は相手の気持ちに共感することが少なく、自分が正しいと考えます。
そのため、相手を道具のように扱い、支配します。
自分のルールを持つ
モラハラ加害者は自分のルールに従わせることを求めます。
逆らうと激怒し、支配的になることがあります。
嫉妬深い
モラハラ加害者は嫉妬深く、相手を監視下に置こうとします。
自分の支配下におかないと不安になり、嫉妬の対象となることがあります。
以上の兆候やサインに気付いたら、冷静に状況を判断し、必要に応じて周りに相談することが大切です。
結婚は一生を一緒にする大きな決断ですので、慎重に考えることが必要です。
婚活でも遭遇しがちなモラハラ男の特徴
婚活中には、様々な男性と出会う機会がありますが、中にはモラハラの兆候を示す男性もいます。
現代のモラハラ男性の特徴として以下が挙げられます。
特に婚活の場では、女性に対して嫌がるような言葉を平気で仕掛けてくる男性に注意が必要です。
プライドが高いのに劣等感で歪んでいる
モラハラ男性はプライドが高く、自分を偉大だと思っていますが、実は内心では劣等感に苦しんでいることがあります。
そのため、自己肯定感を上げるために相手を貶めようとすることがあります。
親から自立していない
モラハラ男性は自立しておらず、親に依存していることがあります。
そのため、他の人に対して支配的な態度をとり、自己主張をしようとします。
社会的地位が高く外ツラ良いハイスペック
一見、社会的地位が高く、見た目も良いハイスペックな男性でも、中身ではモラハラの傾向を持っていることがあります。
見た目だけでなく、中身も見極めることが大切です。
仕事がハードでストレスがある
モラハラ男性は仕事がハードでストレスを抱えていることがあります。
そのストレスを解消するために、パートナーに八つ当たりをすることがあります。
女性にマウントを取りたがり、上司と部下のような関係に持ち込む
モラハラ男性は、自己主張をするために相手を支配したがります。
そのため、パートナーや女性に対して上から目線で接することがあります。
心から笑ってない
モラハラ男性は内面的に満たされておらず、心から笑うことがありません。
そのため、他の人を傷つけたり、貶めたりすることで自己満足感を得ようとします。
女性にモテない、または女性慣れしてない自分に強いコンプレックスがある
モラハラ男性は女性に対するコンプレックスを持っていることがあります。
そのため、自分をアピールするために相手を貶めようとすることがあります。
自分の考えにこだわりすぎている
モラハラ男性は自分の考えにこだわりすぎ、他の人の意見を受け入れることができません。
そのため、パートナーとのコミュニケーションが難しくなることがあります。
店員など、周りの人に横柄な態度をとる
モラハラ男性は自己中心的であり、周りの人に対して横柄な態度をとることがあります。
これは、自分を優位に立たせるための行動であり、他の人を蔑視することがあります。
以上のような特徴に気づいたら、その男性との関係を見直す必要があります。
モラハラ男性を見極める3つのポイント
モラハラ男性に限らず、相手のお人柄について深く知るには時間がかかるものです。
また、ただデートを重ねるだけでなく、相手をしっかりと観察することが大切です。
以下では、モラハラ男性を見極めるための3つのポイントをお伝えします。
話に耳を傾けてくれているかどうかチェックする
まずは、相手が自分の話をきちんと聞いてくれているかを確認することが大切です。
相手が異なる意見を持っていたとしても、こちらの意見を尊重し、真摯に受け止めてくれるかどうかがポイントです。
結婚生活では意見の違いが生まれることも少なくありませんが、おたがいに尊重し合い、建設的なコミュニケーションを取ることが大切です。
周りへの気遣いをチェックする
相手との交際中には、その人が周りの人たちに対してどのような態度を取るかも大切です。
交際初期では、相手がやさしく接してくれるかもしれませんが、店員や他の人たちに対して横柄な態度をとる場合、結婚した後にその態度が豹変してしまう可能性があります。
デートの際には、周りの人たちへの気遣いがあるかどうかも観察するよう心がけましょう。
街歩きデートを積極的に取り入れる
街歩きデートは、相手の本性やお人柄を見極めるための良い機会です。
街を歩いているとさまざまな出来事に遭遇することがありますが、その際に相手がどのような反応を示すかを観察することが大切です。
例えば、重い荷物を持った人に助けを差し伸べるか、危険な状況にいる子どもを助けるかなど、その人の優しさや思いやりの程度を見ることができます。
以上のポイントを踏まえて、相手との交際を進めることで、より良いパートナーシップを築くことができるでしょう。
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